On Being

It’s a gloomy afternoon. Rain has drizzled on and off all day and Canberra’s taken on that bleak look it gets as winter closes in. This is reason #1 to be happy. Bleak is good.

Reason #2 is that I spent my second last day of work before starting my Long Service Leave mostly in non-work activities. A long team lunch followed by drinks hosted by the branch to welcome new starters and to recognise there’s been a restructure.

Changing to a new branch of course means working with a whole bunch of people who’ve never (I assume) seen someone knit at work functions. I knitted at lunch. My new boss said over Pad Thai, ‘what are you knitting, Helen?’ which is of course much better than the usual horrified remark of  ‘are you knitting?’. He saw it was a sock before I even held it up. He said that was pretty cool and then people kept on eating. Fine by me!

Later, at the Branch drinks, I positioned myself by a filing cabinet with a glass of wine and my sock-in-progress and chatted to a friend (who has seen me knit before) and all was well. My friend even took a photo for me.

I wanted this photo to show how easy it is to knit at work. I know some people don’t do it, through fear of being laughed at, ostracised, whatever. I’m beyond caring these days, especially after a glass of wine or two. A woman came to me and said she had been watching me during the speeches and marvelled at how I was listening, drinking and knitting all at once and she said the strangest thing.

“You’ll never get dementia!”

That’s one I haven’t heard before, but I liked it. Knit on!

But really the overriding sense of happiness comes from knowing that after tomorrow, I’m free. Five whole weeks to just BE. That’s what I’m most looking forward to. Days and days of not having to be anywhere, of not having to conform to the 9-5 routine, of just existing. At lunch today people spoke about their plans for long holidays in Europe and adventure packed travels. For a moment I thought, ‘do I have enough planned? Should I be planning something more active?’

But no, just being is enough for me. I find that challenging enough. Waking up everyday and choosing how to spend a day, whether it’s at home, or out and about, in the garden or whatever. Being. That’s what’s calling me right now.

I’m also pretty happy because I booked concert tickets this morning that thrill me. It’s a long way away but for the first time I’m going with friends to see kd lang in concert in November. Twenty years ago people told me I would love kd lang and I didn’t listen. I remember thinking ‘why?’ Twenty years on and her voice is just the most magical thing now. I can’t wait to hear that voice filling a concert hall and just expressing so much. I imagine that when she’s singing, she’s just Being too.

I keep watching You Tube clips of her singing, just to try and imagine what it’s like. Her version of Roy Orbison’s Crying is such a stunning rendition. I long to hear her sing it live. Is there anyone like her? I don’t think so. Sigh.

Bells