A maker’s life is never really a still life is it? Recently when my mother was staying for the weekend she said ‘Helen you never really stop do you?’
No. Not really. Although I hadn’t thought of it that way until she said it. There’s always something to do, something to make, something to work towards. Some days it feels like I’m just getting through what I have to do to get what I want to do, always with one eye up ahead to where the colour and the light and the making is waiting.
My mum also said, during her recent visit, ‘You’ve never really grown up, have you Helen?’ and actually she meant it in a good way. At least I’m mostly sure she did. She said it while Alice and I were crouching at the back door eating a ham sandwich while the chickens glared at us through the glass, wanting to be fed. We thought it was hilarious, the taunting.
Sometimes it takes someone else’s eyes to show us parts of ourselves we didn’t know were there. I mean, of course I know it’s fun to be on the floor with a two year old taunting chickens, but it’s just me. I didn’t know it meant I haven’t grown up. I just thought that’s what people with toddlers in their lives did!
I am on the go, busy, fulfilling dreams and all the while, not growing up at least not as long as growing up means forgetting how to sit on the floor and be silly. Or how to take hours out of my day for making, for colour, for light, for things that are beautiful and soul feeding, not soul destroying.
Kindness, positivity, goodness. Getting up close to what is important, what’s real and what’s needed. I’ve been digging deep, thinking, feeling and trying to figure out what these things are for me. It’s a work in progress. I’m a work in progress. It’s called learning to live. Every single day.
In still moments, I’ve stopped and thought about this and I’ve been thankful that I can see, and every day that I learn to see a little more, what matters.